“I am really sorry, Mr. Mann, but the simple fact is that the money is owed if you are to remain a student here.” The lady called Jessica is looking at me with concern on her face. I can see she wants to help me, but her hands are tied. There is nothing she can do.
I am fucked!
I decide to get over to the university as soon as the office opens on Monday morning, telling Tom I will be back soon and texting Samara to meet me at his place. I have to try and sort the mess my loving parents have now left me with. I know that without their support, there is no way I can afford to complete my course and get the degree I am so close to completing.
My life is so beyond fucked.
I tell this Jessica Smith everything, pouring my heart out to a stranger about everything that is going on in my life and how my parents have so easily shunted me. I look at the lady that is not much older than myself, and wonder if her life is as hard as mine is right now. Is everything falling to shit for her or am I the only person blessed with such crap?
“I…I…” My words leave my throat in a stammer, as my brain gives me no help with which words to say.
I look around the small university finance office while I rack my brain to come to my aid and help me give the words to the young lady so that she can somehow tell me what to do to make everything better again.
“Is…there nothing…” I want to ask her is there nothing she can do, but what’s the point? This is my issue, not hers.
Why should she care?
She offers me a small smile before typing into her computer, and I get the feeling my time is up and that I should leave her to her work. I need to somehow take back control of my life, to focus on looking for a place to live, something to do with my life as the dreams of becoming a teacher now slip through my fingers. I slowly get up from my seat at her desk, fighting back tears as I ready myself to leave the office.
“Mr. Mann, there may be something I can do. Please sit down.” I look to the short girl opposite me as I settle back into the seat, a small hope entering my heart.
“Really?” I ask, a little bit more excitement to my voice than intended.
Jessica smiles at me before typing into her computer again.
“Well, you don’t qualify for government support because your parents earn too much…”
“But they have cut me off!” I rudely interrupt.
She doesn’t scowl at my rudeness; she simply smiles before carrying on.
“We may be able to put an extension on the repayment for a further two weeks, but after that time we will have to ask you to pay the balance or leave the course. I am sorry, Austin.” I can tell by her eyes that she is sorry that she can’t make everything right, but even the extension is better than nothing.
So I have two weeks to convince my parents to accept me, yet I fear that even two years won’t be long enough.
“So, if they refuse, then I will have to leave.” It’s not a question. It’s a small statement I am processing through my brain.
“Well, you can always look to go part-time. The fees are less and you can get a job to support yourself, but hopefully it won’t come to that.” I look at the smile on her face and allow my lips to smile back at her, however much they wish to crumble.
So, I have two weeks to make my parents see that I am not something they have stood in, or face the fact I will have to either give up university or go part time, the result of which will mean it will take me even longer to complete the course.
“Thank you for your time, Miss Smith,” I say, as I leave the office and make my way through the corridor filled with students, who are happily doing what I should be doing now, which is building my future.
All my hard work is going to amount to nothing. All the time I put in to maintain the grades are just going to dissolve away, unless I manage to find a way to get either my parents to accept me, or ten grand.
Somehow, the thought of getting the money together seems easier than the prospect of my parents’ acceptance.
I walk from the building, out into the bitter falling rain and I stand under a small bus shelter until I can see some ease in the rain fall. I stand and watch as people run through the clouds’ angry cries, and I pull my jacket around me to block out some of the cold. I feel my mobile vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out, expecting it to be Tom or Samara, but it is a text from number unknown.
I told you to leave him!
I swallow as I look at the text. These angry texts can’t be coming from my parents, they just can’t! My mother is mobile illiterate and my father doesn’t even have one. I doubt either of them will even bother sending texts, not when they have so easily thrown me to the streets.
I glide my fingers over the keys nervously.
Who are you?
I need to know who is wanting to taunt me so much, who is determined to send me back down the straight path and well and truly away from Tom.
The reply comes quickly.
None of your fucking business! Now fucking leave him!
My falling tears stop me from calling the number. They are tears full of fear, and I walk out into the cold rain, allowing the shower to disguise the fact I am crying and that I am so hated by number unknown. I walk without looking where I am heading, without focusing on a direction, as I try to let the falling rain wash me clean of my shame.
I walk so far through the city center that I am near the canal not far from Halo, and I steel myself a moment to look across at the bar where I actually find myself. It looks so eerie without the flashing lights and the men queuing to get in to watch the floor show. Even the street is like a ghost town. I guess things only come to life after dark when the creatures of the night come out to play.
I walk past the bar and further towards the canal, turning and following the flow of the canal until I come to a small seating area. I am already wet to the bone, but I sit on the seat and allow more of the rain to wash over me while my thoughts turn to Tom. My dancer, the guy who is waiting for me to return to his flat, has changed so much in such a small amount of time. Gone is the cocky dancer, revealing the tender side I know he is struggling with. He is one of the two people I have close to me now. Two people who want to help me, yet in no way can. I have to cope with the fact that my dreams may have to go on hold, or at the very least, part-time.
I feel my phone vibrate again and as I nervously look at it, shielding it as best I can from the rain, I relax when I see the name ‘Tom’ appearing on screen.
Samara just arrived. When are you coming back? Are you okay?
The up-himself dancer is now the guy worrying about me, worthless little Austin Mann. How can someone like him really love me and really want to be with me?
Austin, shut up! He loves you. You deserve the love!
My heart and head agree and send the echo of a voice through me. I smile as I shiver in the rain. Maybe I do deserve him. I hit the reply button and feel a little warmth as I dance my fingers over the keys.
Won’t be long. I am okay. I love you. xxx
He impresses me at the speed to his reply, but when I look at my phone I see it’s not from Tom, but number unknown.
I swallow as I click to view the message.
Looks like blondy is all wet! Have you left him yet? If not, I suggest you do!
It takes me a few seconds for the text to fully process in my brain, for me to realise that whoever is sending them knows I am out in the rain.
Someone is watching me!
I dart my head around me, trying to see through the downpour, but the voice that follows is the only sense I get of someone else being there.
“Austin fucking Mann! What the hell are you doing out in the rain?” The voice of Kelly Jones approaches me.
Why would she?
As she approaches me, I nervously stand before the small girl and watch her shielding herself under her umbrella. As I step under her small shelter, I watch as she puts her mobile back in her pocket.
Can it really be her?
JUST ADD WATER.
Okay, so this is how you make tea? Is it really this easy? With the kettle boiled, yes I bought a kettle, I have two tea bags sitting in waiting mugs to make this thing we British seem obsessed with.
Samara walks towards me, putting her mobile in her pocket, smiling. I shudder slightly but my fear of her is diminishing a little; not completely, just slightly.
Somehow the girl I hated so much is slowly winning me over.
“Who were you texting?” I ask, turning to her while I examine the box of tea bags for further help. They should really have a making tea for dummies guide!
She laughs that musical laugh of hers, that somehow seems a little intoxicating as opposed to the hellish tone it had previously, before taking the box from me and finishing the tea. I watch as she adds milk after the hot water, stirring it once, before disposing the used tea bag on my work surface.
Okay, she is definitely on my hit list!
“Are you always so nosey, Tom?” She turns to smile at me, handing me a mug of the hot liquid.
“Just making conversation,” I say, smiling slightly.
“We girls are allowed our little secrets, darling. Did Austin say when he will be back? It is really coming down out there.”
I follow her gaze to my large windows and shudder as a bolt of lightning screams through the air, causing Samara to scream.
Trying not to make fun of her, I reply to her question.
“Soon. Hopefully he will be here soon,” I say.
Hurry up, Austin. Get out of the rain.
“Now tell me this again. Someone is doing what now?” Kelly asks.
She tries to get me to get out of the rain, to follow her to Halo, but I refuse to go with her. After getting a text by someone obviously watching me, then to have Kelly turn up and put her mobile away, well that just makes me think it is her.
After a heated discussion, she manages to convince me she has no idea what I am talking about, and to follow her to her bar so we can get out of the rain and discuss this properly. My body is already like an ice cube so I follow her, but I mainly go because I want to discuss this further, to really see if she is telling the truth.
I walk into the empty bar, and without asking for permission or offering to pay, I pour myself a whiskey. I quickly swallow the burning liquid and gasp afterwards as Kelly walks towards me, taking off her coat.
“Someone is sending me texts, telling me to leave Tom,” I say, removing my coat before hugging my body to get warm.
“Who the fuck is sending you them?!” She snaps.
I look at her for a moment, shaking slightly from the cold before I reply.
“The last one I received was from the number unknown, saying they can see me…then you turn up!” I tell her, hanging my head slightly.
Her jaw hangs open for a moment before she laughs. Yes, she actually laughs!
“This isn’t funny, Kelly! Why would you send me them?” I snap.
“Seriously! You think I would send you them after I helped you get with him?” She laughs again, before placing her mobile on the bar before me. “Check my sent items, Austin, or better yet, check the number. You will see I haven’t sent the texts.”
Part of me wants to believe that she is telling the truth, but I still take her mobile in my hand, check her sent items, and cross check her number to make sure it isn’t the one that is taunting me. Her last four text messages are to Daddy, Daniel, and Samara Lane… wait… my Samara?
“You’re texting Samara?” I ask, a little confused.
“What? I actually like the girl, and I need to hang out with more women and less gay men, otherwise there is no way I am ever going to get someone to bend me over my desk again!”
I stare at her, shocked by her words, and we simply look at each other before bursting into laughter.
“Now pass me your fucking phone and I will see if I know the number.”
Slightly reluctantly, I pass her my iPhone and watch her as she goes through the mobile. I watch her for a while, before horror hits my face as she takes the mobile to her ear!
“Kelly, what the fuck are you doing?” I gasp.
“Trying to find out who is texting you, now hush!” She says.
We both jump as the barman they call Daniel walks into the bar, soaked to the bone like me. I hear the ringing noise and look to Kelly, who has put the mobile on loud and settled it on the bar.
“Kelly?” I enquire.
“If this piece of shit answers, then we will all hear his voice and know who he is,” she says, looking at me as if what she is doing is the most logical act.
“What’s going on?” Daniel asks, only to have Kelly silence him with one look as the ringing stops and a voice I do not know answers.
“Well if it isn’t the ugly fucker!” The voice of a man says.
I look from Kelly to Dan as my whole body tenses in shock, a little embarrassed by the greeting. Okay, this is definitely not my parents.
“Actually, it’s Kelly Jones. Care to tell me who the fuck you are?” She snaps down the phone.
Each of us look into the face of the other before settling back on the phone.
“The fucker hung up! Well that is just plain fucking rude! Do you know the voice, because I have no idea,” says Kelly.
I shake my head and look at Daniel, who just looks at us with a bewildered expression on his face.
“W…whats going on, Kelly? What’s he doing here?” He asks Kelly, trying not to look at me.
“None of your fucking business to either of those questions, now do you know the voice or not?” She snaps and I watch as Daniel cowers slightly before her, shaking his head. “What the fuck are you doing here anyway?”
“Y…you asked me to come and do a stocktake, and then place a drinks order with the supplier,” he reminds her.
“Oh…yeah, so I did. Well, you know where everything is. Austin and I will be in my office and we don’t want to be fucking disturbed,” she tells him before leading me to her office, the place I have not been in since I got dressed in the thong and mask a few weeks back.
I look back over at a pouting Daniel, before he smiles and looks away. Why is Kelly so rude to him?
As the door closes behind us, Kelly hands me my mobile, which I nervously pocket before taking a seat near her desk.
“Does Tom know about the text messages, Austin?” She asks.
I look at my hands nervously for several moments before I hear her voice again.
“I didn’t think so. When did they start?” She demands.
“Over the weekend, after the university called me to tell me that my parents had bounced the cheque for my tuition.” My face is expressionless as I just sit and stare at my hands, feeling so numb from everything, every small detail that is cursing me right now.
“They what?! Fuck, you have some shit parents, mate! What did they say when you confronted them?” Kelly asks.
I don’t reply, don’t tell her how my calls have been ignored and how I am nothing to them anymore.
“You did speak to them didn’t you, Austin?” She asks, finally sitting at her seat behind her desk.
“I called them, but…” I go to tell her how my calls have been ignored, but she cuts me off mid sentence.
“Austin, you need to go see them! They can’t ignore you if you are kicking their door down. Want me to come with you? I can be quite persuasive.”
Hmmm, my parents do need shaking from their blindness, but I don’t think setting Kelly Jones on them is a wise idea.
She is right, though. I know that, but the thought of calling them is hard enough, let alone facing them and having to witness the disgust on their faces.
The door to the office opens, making me jump, and I turn my attention to see Daniel again, standing at the entrance holding a bundle of fabric.
“Sorry to disturb you, Kelly, but I thought he could use a towel to dry off and I found some dry clothes some of the guys left in the dressing room.” He looks at me for a small moment before pulling his eyes away.
Does this guy not like me so much that he can’t look at me? Maybe he is just shy. I mean, he did just go to find me some clothes. That is kinda nice.
I smile at him. He isn’t looking, but I smile all the same.
“Thanks, Daniel. Let’s leave Austin to get changed,” she tells him, before turning her attention back to me as she reaches the door. “I will let Tom know you’re here.”
“Kelly don’t…” Again, she cuts me off.
“I won’t tell him about the texts, don’t worry. That’s between the two of you,” she smiles before leaving me to get dressed.
As I take my clothes off and stand in my boxers drying myself, I hear my mobile vibrate again. I look at the notification of an unread text from number unknown.
I sigh and click to read. May as well get it over with before Tom comes.
Awww, does ugly fucker need a girl to stand up for him? Poor ugly fucker!
I throw my phone onto the desk, trying to ignore the message as I put on the clothes Daniel gave me.
At least Daniel isn’t being so hateful.
Samara pushes past me as we make it to Kelly’s office, wrapping her arms around Austin, who is dressed in the most fucked up combination of clothes. A bright pink T-Shirt, far too big for his small frame and purple, yes purple, trousers!!!
“Austin, what are you wearing?” Samara asks, finally releasing her hold as she takes in the image of the man who clearly got dressed in the dark.
Somehow he still manages to look hot. He still manages to have my heart racing at the sight of him, even if he is dressed like a reject from a fashion shoot.
“It’s all we could find, Samara,” Austin tells her, finally walking past the she-devil and embracing me around the waist.
I inhale the scent of dried rain water in his hair as I bury my nose beneath the curls, drinking in this new aroma of the man before me.
I still have no idea why the hell he has come to Halo when he is supposed to be coming back to mine. I was confused enough when Kelly called, assuming she needs me to help with the stocktake. Like fuck I will, but when she’d told me that Austin was with her, well, I was just at a loss.
He’d told me he would come straight back to mine after his visit at the college, so why is he here? Why is my boyfriend hanging out with Kelly and telling her all his shit and not me? Does he not trust me or something?
Austin has been different since he got that call from the college, trying to disguise the fact that someone is texting him. Yes, I saw the texts coming through, but I didn’t ask him who it is and didn’t push him to find out. It is his business, I know that, and if he wants to share he will.
Guess he is ready to share with Kelly.
We need to learn to communicate more, I know that. We have some fucking amazing sex, all very X-rated, but when it comes to talking, well, we just seem to grow so uncomfortable. So many times the both of us have tried to engage the other in conversation, only to be met with a weird silence that results in us kissing, then fucking, to get out of the awkwardness. Okay, I don’t actually mind the fucking part, but there is so much I want us to talk about.
Since I opened up to him about my past, about my mother and the things that led me to Leeds, things just seem to have moved out of our control. His parents disowned him then his ex came back to town. It’s all stupid events that seem to want to fill our relationship with complications.
“You okay, Tom?” His voice is a welcome invasion to my thoughts. It’s the sound I want to hear and the instrument I want him to use to tell me everything about him.
I know every inch of his body, every blemish and freckle, yet I don’t really know anything about him, apart from his homophobic parents and his needy ex.
“Fine, baby. Are you okay?” I ask, hoping he will open up to me about the texts.
Kelly comes back into the office, interrupting his attempt to reply. Typical woman, always interrupting.
“A party! We are having a party, here, tonight!” She tells the room.
What the fuck are we supposed to be celebrating?!
“Party?” Austin asks her.
“Yes. Daniel just did a stock take and we have fuck loads of beer that needs using before it expires. As we don’t open until Thursday, it needs to be used, so I thought we could have a party. Also, it is my father’s birthday, so a party is in order. It’s not every day you turn fifty!” She grins.
“I thought Charles was in Amsterdam for his birthday?” I ask her. Fuck, is she really so stupid she doesn’t even know where her own father is?
She turns to me, smiling.
“He is, which is all the more reason for us to party tonight. The last thing I need is to have my drunken father thinking he is twenty again and dancing on one of these stages, thinking he is bringing sexy back, when in actual fact all he will be bringing is my lunch from my stomach!!” I watch as she shudders slightly at the thought.
She isn’t the only one shuddering! Myself and Daniel are wincing at the thought of Charles Jones trying to party with us, grasping onto his lost youth like he is one of the kids. Fuck, he got so drunk once, I caught him in the loo with a very pretty young lady. One who goes by the name of Peter during the day! Luckily, I managed to chase fucking Peter away and get Charles to bed to sleep off the booze.
“Oh, I love parties! Do you mind if I tag along?” Samara asks.
Is she fucking jumping up and down?
Seriously, when will she ever be going back to fucking London? There is no way she is staying here. No fucking way!
“Of course you can. The more the merrier. Daniel is bringing a few friends too, hopefully not all of them will be as bent as a trombone, because I swear I am turning into a gay man myself!” Kelly says, before leaving the bar to go back to the stocktake.
“Sounds fun,” Austin says, taking hold of my hand and smiling at me.
I gently pull his face towards me, stroking his cheek as I gaze into his deep brown eyes. I really want to have some alone time with him, to try to engage in conversation, but after all the crap he has had to cope with this weekend, maybe a party is really what he needs.
“Okay baby, but only if you change these clothes,” I grin as his face turns scarlet and he squeezes my hand gently.
I lead him from the office, determined to get him home and out of this fashion disaster, then my vision falls before Daniel. He smiles at me without the hurt in his eyes from the pain I know I caused him when I played my small game of fucking with his heart. I need to remember to ask him to forgive me and to tell him I am trying to change.
I will tell him at the party as I properly introduce him to Austin…my boyfriend.
I finally feel properly clean and dry.
After returning to Tom’s flat, I took a long shower, alone for once. Tom didn’t follow me and didn’t turn my shower into a sexual encounter. He gave me the hour I needed to wash away the stale rain water and finally get out of these awful garments.
As I dry myself in front of the mirror, I hear his gentle knock before he enters the small room.
Why is he knocking in his own house?
I smile at the reflection of him in the mirror, and feel butterflies flutter in my chest when he smiles back. He has already changed into a tight blue shirt and dark blue jeans. His hair is styled to perfection, each strand staying in the place he manipulated it.
Is he really this perfect?
Even when I wake next to him, after he has made love to me all night long, he still looks perfect, while I look like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards. Tom is always the picture of perfection. Somehow, he has a way of looking just perfect without really trying.
He walks up behind me and I brace myself for the impact of him forcing me over the basin, for him to pull the towel from around me, and force every inch of him into me. It is just his way; the way he shows me his love. He always stops when I ask, never making me do anything I don’t already want; not since he told me he loves me.
He doesn’t pull the towel from me though, and doesn’t force me forward. Instead, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my neck and watches our reflection. I watch as the fabric on his shirt moulds over his muscles, expecting a rip to occur at any moment, but never happens. I look at his eyes in the mirror, ones that are fixed on my reflection, and I smile at him, watching as his face forms a grin and the massive dimples show on his face.
For ages we stand there and never once do his hands wander down my body. Never once does he bite my ear lobe. We just stand and take in each other’s reflection.
“Have I told you…” His voice trails off to a barely audible whisper.
“T…told me what?” I ask.
“How…how much I love you?” His eyes break from mine slightly, and I pull my arm towards the back of me to gently hold his head.
“You don’t need to say it all the time,” I tell him.
I know that saying those three words is hard enough, even though I know that the more he says it the easier it will become, but I don’t want him to say it unless he means it. He may not say it often, but when he does I know he means it. I know the words burst from his heart and speak only a truth I want to hear. Even if he only says it once a year, I will look forward to it, knowing he is saying it because he wants to, not because he has to or because it is habit.
He tightens his embrace on me and smiles from the mirror before his hands lean forward to take a small bottle from the shelf above the sink.
He laughs at the confusion on my face, taking the lid off the bottle as he begins to rub the liquid in his hands…over my body???
“Have you never used moisturiser before, Austin?” He grins, as he glides his hands over my chest, caking me in the cream as his hands make circling motions all over me.
I am weak under his touch, somehow aroused by the non-sexual act that seems far more intimate than actual sex.
“N…no,” I tell him, slightly ashamed.
Tom just grins at me from the mirror.
“You’re beautiful, Austin, body and soul. This cream will just make sure I help you stay looking as beautiful as you are,” he tells me.
Does he mean that if I start to age then I will be traded in for a younger model?
“Don’t look so worried, Austin. I don’t plan to keep you looking young.” I watch his face blush slightly in the mirror. “I am kinda looking forward to…watching you age.”
I gasp, not only because he has finally removed the towel and is working cream into my penis that I am trying to keep from firming, but because maybe I am not the only one who has thought about growing old with the other.
Is Tom Parks imagining me as his life partner?
As he disappears from view to work cream into my legs and arse, I smile back at the man that has evolved from being just Austin Mann, to the man who is in the thoughts of another, one who is planning on a life with him. Am I really in the thoughts of this man, the one who has men and women alike falling before him?
As he moves up my body to rub cream into my back, I think about telling him about the texts, sharing with him the secret that is one I don’t really want to keep. I want to give it away and have someone help me sort it out.
“I can give you the money, Austin, for university I mean,” Tom says, pulling me away from thoughts of shameful secrets.
He wants to give me money, and not a small amount, he wants to give me enough to complete my degree!
I can’t allow him to do that, to have him sort my problems out for me with cash. No way! I have seen how people innocently lend a loved one money, only for them to become indebted to that person, to have it thrown in their faces over and over again.
“No,” I find myself telling him. “It is my problem, not yours. Thank you, but no.”
He is back in the mirror, his chin back on my shoulder, but his face is now somber.
“I don’t mind. I want you to have it,” he tells me.
I find myself gazing in those eyes of his, the ones that have me so captivated all the time. I want his eyes to look at me with love, not with the want of repayment to a loan.
“I love that you want to help me, I really do, but I need to try and sort this out myself first,” I tell him.
He sighs, offering me a small smile.
“So what you got in mind?” He asks, as he hands me some clothes to get changed into.
“I guess I need to go face the music and talk to my parents face to face,” I tell him.
“Great, I love York. When we going?”
I turn to him, looking for some evidence of a joke he is playing on me.
“Austin, you really think I am going to let you go to your parents alone? Me and Samara will come with you.”
He wants to come with me?
Wait…he wants Samara to come too?
I am not blind. I know he doesn’t like her.
“You want Samara to come?” I say, finally pulling a T-shirt over me.
“What? I need a new faghag,” he says, laughing.
I grin wickedly.
“That okay with you, Samara?” I say, looking past Tom into the empty room.
His eyes shoot behind him as his body tenses.
Yes, he needs a new faghag that he is terrified of!
Okay, Kelly said this will be a party, not an actual festival! Fuck, there’s so many people in Halo when we arrive, I can hardly move.
Kelly bounces over to us before we can even step into the room.
“Please remind me when I tell gay boys to bring a friend, that gay boys have far too many friends!” She laughs. “And I spy a hetero guy!” She licks her lips at the tall blond near the bar.
“Careful, Kelly. Don’t want you making a mess on the floor! Where the fuck is Samara? She is supposed to be meeting us here,” I say.
Kelly laughs again, points to the small stages, and my jaw drops.
There, on the stage, is Samara, surrounded by three men that are grinding up against her.
“S…Samara?” Austin says, taking in the view of his former girlfriend.
Man, she can move that small frame of hers. She looks just like an exotic dancer made for the stage in her short, silver dress that has the strobe lights bouncing off it. I recognise one of the dancers as Daniel, and then I take in the other. It’s the guy who did me a private dance of my own while Dan ate my cock.
“What the fuck is Adam Stanley doing here?” I grunt.
“You know him? Oh wait, of course you fucking do!” Kelly says, before turning to Austin. “He is Daniel’s best friend and fuck me, another one who is a slave to the erection of another man! Fuck it, though! I have my own little blond lollipop to lick tonight, and his lollipop better not be that little, if you get my drift,” she says, before going back to her potential conquest.
“How do you know him, Tom?” Austin asks me.
“Let’s just say he was a means to an end and a part of my past.” I turn towards Austin and stroke his cheek gently. “I have a past, Austin. I can’t help that.”
He smiles up at me before kissing me softly.
“I know. It’s okay, I was just shocked,” he says. “Let’s get a drink.”
We make our way over to the bar to drink some of the stock that is needing to be drunk. I grab a pitcher of beer and lead Austin to a small table so we can sit and watch Samara work the stage.
Somehow, I find my eyes wandering towards her dancing partner, the guy whose virgin arse I broke. I pull my eyes away and neck the pint that Austin poured for me.
The whole night I spend losing myself in Austin’s lips, his neck, anything to chase away the thoughts of Adam Stanley. I only want to be with Austin, but my old ways are trying to win me over, as I remember losing my cock between the tight cheeks of that virgin arse.
Austin becomes enough of a distraction. He helps me remember why I chose him as his hands move all over my body and his lips mould with mine. I taste that intoxicating taste of him as his tongue breaks through my lips. The only thing that is stopping me dragging him back to my flat is the fact that nature is calling.
As Tom leaves me to go relieve himself, I look back to Samara as I lick my lips and taste the essence of the man I love. I saw him looking at the stage Samara danced upon, but it wasn’t Samara he was looking at. It was him…Adam Stanley. I will be lying if I say I’m not more than a little jealous, but I have managed to pull his attention back and have him almost undressing me in the bar.
Tom is changing, taking small steps to become one who will be monogamous, but he is still so close to turning back into his old ways. I won’t not have faith in him. I know he will fight to be only mine; I saw it in his eyes when we stood before his mirror.
“All alone?” I look up to the voice and see Daniel towering over me.
“Tom just had to use the bathroom,” I tell him.
I smile at the dark skinned guy as he sits before me, wearing a black vest top that is covered in black sequins.
“And you let him go all alone? You let the Tom Parks go to the toilet alone?” He laughs. “You do know how many men he has fucked in those toilets, don’t you?”
I look towards the door Tom just disappeared through, wondering if he is there alone. I turn back to look at Daniel, deciding that I may not actually like him very much. I have enough doubt in myself right now without him putting fuel on the fire.
“I trust him!” I snap.
He laughs again and I scowl, looking around the room for help and seeing Jane smiling at me from the bar, asking me with her eyes if I am okay.
“Maybe you’re a lot like Tom yourself.” I feel his hand glide up my leg and I pull away as my mobile vibrates in my pocket.
“Stop that!” I snap as I look at my mobile.
I told you to leave him, fucker!
I look at Daniel for a sign that maybe he sent the text, yet see no mobile in his hands.
“Anything of interest?” He asks.
I shake my head and swallow.
Who the fuck is sending these texts?
Not Daniel, not Kelly, not my parents, so who?
Who hates me so much?
I get up from my seat as I go to leave the bar, needing to take in sweet oxygen to clear my head of all the hate that is coming at me. As I arrive near the exit sign, I feel a hand stop me and I smile, expecting to see Tom, but my eyes fall upon Daniel.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that! I should never have assumed you are like Tom. Please, forgive me,” he says, smiling at me.
I feel the beer taking hold of my body as I watch Daniel move closer to me. He pulls me towards him as his lips part to show his sparkling white teeth.
I smile back a little too naively as he pulls me in for a kiss.
Fuck, the beer is flowing through me and I am pissing like I will never stop. When the stream eventually stops, I shake myself of excess urine, then I hear a voice that tells me I am not alone in the bathroom like I first thought.
“Need a hand with that?”
I turn to the voice as I seal my cock back in my jeans. Standing there is the fucker who I have tried to chase away from my thoughts. So, Daniel is no longer the love sick one besotted with me. It’s now Adam!
He is leaning against the wall, wearing a tight black shirt that is only buttoned up to the middle of his chest, leaving little to the imagination.
My breath hitches in my throat as I look at the man I abused on my balcony, the one I fucked until he buckled before me, shooting his load into the night’s air.
I walk towards Adam as he straightens up at my approach, his closed lips parting slowly, willing mine to flow to his. I lick my lips as I remember his taste, the effortless way that he moved his body with mine.
Such sweet memory.
“So…want some help with that?” He asks as his hand reaches out to grab my cock, squeezing me gently.
I smile as I move my face in closer to his, one move away from kissing.
“Yes, I do,” I tell him. “And my boyfriend will help me, so get your fucking hands off!” I say, pushing him against the wall before I make my way back into the bar.
In the toilet I leave behind my desire for other men, and I carry with me only my love for Austin.
As I look past the wave of people, to the seat we sat upon, I realise he isn’t there. I look around the bar for signs of Austin, and again see nothing, only Samara still dancing on the stage. She waves at me from the small stage, her mobile in her hand as she laughs at whatever the guy is saying in her ear.
Then I see the small flash of blond hair, the wild curls that are moving towards the face of Daniel!
What the fuck?!
“Well, it looks like your boyfriend got himself a new playmate,” Adam’s voice cuts through me. “So how about that fuck?”
As I watch Austin locking lips with Daniel, I turn back into the bathroom.
I tried to change, only to witness the man I love becoming the person I am trying not to be.
Adam smiles at me as he walks to the vacant cubicle and I follow him, unzipping my jeans.