Chapter Five

Published 6th March 2015 – Link to authors

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Austin

She’s joking. She has to be! Seriously, this girl is off her medication! There is no other explanation for this!

I am standing in Kelly’s office at Halo, making a mental note to see her father and check she is really okay. Why the hell would she think I would agree to this? Does she think I am deranged?

She insisted that she had a plan to get Tom to fall weak at the knees for me, but what I hold in my hands is just clear signs of delusion on her part. These small items, that I can hold easily in just one palm, are things she calls an outfit!

An outfit!

“Kelly… I am a little confused,” I stammer, looking down at her as she sits behind her desk.

She laughs.

“Well, fuck. Of course you are. You’re not really a member of our world, and Tom is so the hell not in yours! Yet, somehow, he is falling for you,” she tells me, eyeing me suspiciously. “Look, I have known him for four years. He has worked here for three and never once has he shown a real interest in anyone! Never mind a fucking bookworm geek!”

I watch her as she stretches back in her office chair, resting her feet on the desk, smoking a cigar that fills her eyes with nicotine heaven, while her words prickle through me.

“I am not a bookworm, Kelly!” I scold, causing her to cough out her laughs, choking lightly on her smoke.

She removes her feet from the desk, sitting up straight in her chair through her laughing fit as she directs her words at me, tapping some ash from her cigar in her ashtray. “Oh, Austin, your innocence cracks me up. In all I just said, all you heard was bookworm?” She leans her elbow on her desk, resting her head in her hand as she smiles up at me, still coughing out her laugh.

“I… well… I… ” I stammer, going slightly scarlet.

She smiles.

“Honey, you have a real chance here to help him finally open up.” Her words become a little more somber as her eyes glaze over just a little, lost in her own thoughts and looking at nothing in particular. “I see him sometimes when he thinks no one is looking, just sat there tense, not knowing how to fill a void. Each time, he goes for another man, then another, all the while never actually feeling.” I can see the pain entering into her eyes as she thinks about someone who is clearly more to her than just an employee. “He can’t keep this up forever. One day, the men won’t want him and I don’t know how he will react to the rejection. I don’t think he is strong enough…” Her words drift off as silence falls upon the room.

Now is one of those moments when you don’t know what to say. You can’t find the appropriate words. I watch as she realises she must have phased out, looking back up to my face as her eyes burrow into me, looking for any signs that I could help her friend.

I wait, trying to find the right words, the right thing to say to the small girl before me with worry in her eyes but hope in her heart.

“You… really like him, don’t you Kelly?” I ask softly. There is nothing more I can find within me to ask her, no other words I can think of that won’t run this risk of sparking any anger.

She lowers her eyes slightly, and I can see small tears trying to escape down her face, but she wipes them away before inhaling deeply on her cigar. Like Tom, I don’t think Kelly deals with her emotions as well as she lets on.

I stay silent and give her this moment, one I think she needs. After some hesitation, as I watch her trying to find her voice, she finally speaks.

“It’s not how you might think. I am not in love with him, he is more like a…brother. I just hate…” She inhales deeply before finishing her sentence. “I hate thinking of him all alone, pushing people away all the time. I just think that maybe you could be the one to…change him.” She moves her cigar to her cherry glossed red lips and inhales on her addiction before taking a long exhale, watching the smoke leave her lips.

Is Kelly right?

Do I love him?

Can I love him?

My mind asks me the questions that I don’t seem to have answers for.

I say only what is in my heart at the moment.

“I don’t know if I do love him, though! Before I saw him, I loved Samara, and now she won’t even talk to me because she heard me saying his name as I slept. My parents… well… !” I blurt out more than I intended, before gaining a small amount of control again.

Kelly comes around her desk, placing her cigar in the ashtray before resting her hands on my shoulders and looking into my eyes. Somehow, her chocolate brown eyes manage to fill me with calm. She pauses, just looking at me for a moment, her eyes never leaving mine as they look deep into me, before she squeezes my shoulders and begins.

“Austin, sweetie. You know deep in your heart that you love him. You know how you have wanted him since you met. This Samara girl will come around, and if your parents are that small minded that they disown you, well then fuck them! Welcome to the club of kids whose parents have fucked up their lives.” I find myself somehow hanging on her every word.

Maybe I do…

“Wait. I thought you worked with your father?” I enquire, losing myself slightly as I stare hard into her eyes, trying to read what hides behind them.

She smiles a true smile, not one we use to disguise another emotion.

“My father is great, but unfortunately I have a pain in my arse I have to call mother! Thankfully, she isn’t in my life, but fuck my problems. You need to get changed and get him ready to see you,” she declares, taking my hand holding the dreaded outfit and pushes it to my chest, winking.

“But… Kelly, I… ”

She interrupts my words, rolling her eyes.

“Fuck sake, Austin! Listen to me!” Her once soft, chocolate eyes, now have a small red fire about them. “When I said you needed my help, I should have been a little more clear in my direction. What I should have said was I am going to help you, but you will need to shut the fuck up and listen!” She barks, shocking me as she puts more emphasis on the last few words.

I breathe, taking a moment.

“Ok, Lady Jones. Direct me,” I mock, resting my hands on my hips as I take a small bow.

She relaxes a little, grinning up at me, clearly happy that I will let her have her way.

“Well, that’s better. You will find that life goes a lot easier if you do things my way.” She laughs, but I get the feeling this isn’t a jest. “Now, today is Tuesday, so we have until show time on Thursday to get you ready.”

I feel sick…

Show time?

Suddenly the small items I am holding start to lay heavy in my hands as they begin to make a lot more sense.

I gulp.

Am I really going to do this?

~*~

I am shaking.

Show time is in less than ten minutes. I must be crazy.

Clearly, like Kelly, I have lost my mind!

I stand, taking in my reflection in the mirror of her office as I stand in this so-called outfit, one that I have been practising dancing in for what seems like days. I seriously wear more fabric in bed!

A small blue thong, Zorro style mask, and cape are not what I would call an outfit at all, unless this is for some low budget, hero themed porno! I take slow, deep, nervous breaths as I stare at myself. Well over ninety percent of my body is still on show, even after I put on the black boots that still await me.

I adjust myself, pulling the strap of the thong free from my hungry arse. Whoever said these things are comfortable lied! My arse cheeks feel like they are walking a tightrope as the fabric rides between my cheeks saying it’s hello to my sphincter.

Shit!

I feel fat… yes, fat!

Way too much flesh is exposed and I swear this thong is too small. I know I will fall out. This is clear evidence of exploitation!

Yes, they say sex sells, but in a few short minutes I am sure guys will be paying me to put clothes back on!

I turn my body to the side, checking my reflection as I breathe in, pulling my navel as far back as I can to hold my stomach in.

I pause before I breathe out… heavily!

What the fuck am I doing?

I gulp.

Exhaling through my nose, I try to calm myself, remembering I am far from fat; it’s just the outfit making me feel so exposed.

The only bright side to all this is that it has taken all the worry about Samara from me. Her silence doesn’t alarm me as much as I await to be fed to the hungry wolves.

Will this really work or will Kelly’s master plan just make everything a lot worse?

Will it make my life even more complicated?

As if she could hear me thinking about her, Kelly marches into her office without checking if I am decent. Her abrupt entrance startles me, and I can hear the rabble of men and music behind her in the bar, following her into the small office.

I close my eyelids tightly as I mentally tap my heels together three times. Alas, when I open my eyes, I am still here.

Shit!

Why does this crap always work better in the movies?

She eyes me up and down, settling her gaze on my package a little too long, causing me to cover it with my hands, before she finally drags her eyes back to my face. “I won’t get bored of seeing that,” she breathes deeply, before chuckling. “Sure I can’t convince you to have a career change?”

I blush nervously, turning my face away from her as she walks the small distance towards me, taking the mask from my hand and placing it over my eyes then tying the ribbon behind my head. She smiles as she kisses me on the cheek before stepping back to look at her creation. As she focuses on my face, I can tell she sees the worry I hold within me, the childlike fear that makes me want to run away and hide.

Kelly’s face softens as she talks to my inner child. “Remember, nobody will know it’s you. If you get nervous, just look ahead at me and follow the beat of the music. Raise your index and middle fingers at any of the bar staff and we will get security in faster then you can spit, if anyone touches you too much, or at all. The customers all know the rules. Just have fun, but remember that once Tom notices you, we don’t know how he will react! All I do know is that he won’t like the men watching you,” Kelly chimes.

I take a long drawn out breath.

“Kelly… ” I whimper.

She embraces me into a gentle hug, filling me with warmth at an act I never expected from this small girl. Without releasing her hold, she looks up into my face.

“Aust, it’s going to be okay. It’s just a dance. Now, let’s really make you sparkle!” She smiles, opening a tub of body glitter.

It only takes moments, but once I am caked in enough glitter to meet her satisfaction, she leads me out of the office to stage one. Guiding me by the hand through the crowds of men that will all be watching me, Kelly points out all the cameras where security will have their ever watchful eye. “Big brother will be watching,” she jokes.

As we reach our destination, I nervously climb the small steps onto stage one, each feeling like jelly below my feet, making me fear with every incline that I may fall. The hard, flat surface I once watched Tom dance upon, moving around so flawlessly, feels to me like glass that is about to buckle under my weight.

I swallow, trying to ground myself as I take in the music, let the beat of it vibrate within me and jive with my heart, hoping it will settle my fear. I slowly force my hips to move in time to the uncomfortable beat that pumps through me. Each move feels painfully forced while I try to lose myself to the moment.

I close my eyes, forget I am being watched, becoming oblivious that all eyes are burning into me.

Come on, Austin, you can do this.

 

Tom

My blood boils as I stare at him.

I can feel fire running through every inch of me, taking over my body, demanding to be released to do it’s destruction like that kid in the Firestarter movie. My hands clench into fists, nails digging into my palms as my knuckles lose all colour and become translucent.

I pant my breaths through my chest, growling like a ferocious animal, as I watch him moving his hips robotically to the beat. Men are throwing their hard earned cash at him, already imagining themselves fucking him and kissing every inch of his perfect body.

I feel rooted to the spot as I watch his betrayal unfolding before my eyes. Did what we share mean nothing to him?

You shunted him and left him like he was nothing before chasing the tail of another so easily.

The words ring loud in my head, ones I can not argue with, ones that are painfully true. Seeing him like this, enjoying his moment under the spotlight, somehow makes me… jealous?

He turns his head to look in my direction, his eyes stopping on me for just a moment, connecting with mine from across our short distance, before he pulls away back to his audience.

I squeeze my fists tighter, anger wanting to rip through my throat.

He ignored me?

How dare he!

He… is… MINE!

The last statement explodes within me, severs something deep inside that releases a fury I never knew had laid so dormant. I suffer at the visual torture before me as a guy places a £20 into the dancer’s thong, taking a small stroke of it’s contents that make his cock twitch. I snap.

I give into my rage, allow it to lift me from my stage as I pursue towards the vermin.

 

Austin

I try to forget where I am, what I am doing right this moment, as I lose myself to the song. The tune playing around me seems fitting as it washes through me, like she chose it for my opening number, and I feel it telling the story of the Austin Mann I am tonight.

I’m out of character, I’m in rare form,

And if you really knew me,

You’d know its not the norm, 

Am I the only person who thought this song was written for them, as if the singer was watching me and singing out my first number in a musical?

Cause I’m doing things that I normally won’t do,

The old me’s gone, I feel brand new,

And if you don’t like it, fuck you,

I can feel myself drawn deeper into it’s melody, not looking at Kelly like she advised. Instead, I allow myself to look down at the men around me, all of whom are looking over every inch of my body.

I am totally out of my comfort zone, no longer in my safe little bubble, but I love this new me that is allowing himself to step out into the unknown. My one night of freeness, as I hide behind the mask that seals my identity, my alter ego. I feel like the caped crusader, only not fighting crime, but feeding lust and desire into my villains.

I allow my hands to reach over my head as I look through my fingers at the strobe lights, the colours radiating through them as they fall upon me, turning my body different pigments while the beams of light bounce off my glittered torso; a human mirror ball stood in the centre of Halo.

I can feel the men putting money in my thong, stealing touches of my length and for some reason, I don’t mind. I like the gentle caress of their fingers against my cock. I fight back the urge to fully harden as hands glide up my leg and chest. I should signal to Kelly to get them off me, but for some reason…I don’t.

Could a new Austin Mann be awakening?

The music’s on and I’m dancing,

I’m normally in the corner just standing,

I’m feeling unusual,

I don’t care cause this is my night,

Is this how it feels to be free… weightless… without a care as you allow yourself to become a desire of men? Leave your troubles at the door as you sparkle under the lights?

I can feel myself changing as I start to enjoy myself, seeing the world through a stranger’s eyes.

Am I just trying to be… him? Step into his shoes and be the man he would want me to be rather than the studious, sensible one I am?

I ignore the thoughts that flow through my head and just move to the music, confidence running through my blood as the combination of music and hands on my flesh entice me, opening me up at last.

I slowly turn my head to momentarily lock eyes with Tom on the stage next to me. He stands there, just staring in my direction with his teeth clenched in anger. I take a shocked inhale as I pull my eyes away from him, hating his reaction as he watches me.

I whimper.

I want to go back to before this plan was thought out, before I allowed myself to agree to all this. I never wanted to see that look from him. I wanted lust to bury itself in his face, hunger to live on his lips.

Not hate!

I want to stop and run to him, apologise for the dance and my actions, but I swallow the urge and don’t allow myself to do what I should. I just stay in my temporary new self.

Sweat traces down my chest and I follow it with my hands, gliding down to my stomach, and grab my cock to stop it hardening to the moment and lower my free hand down my thigh. I curve my hips as I lower my body down before I curve them back up to standing again.

I close my eyes, imagining that I am his private dancer, as he pulls me into him before gently forcing my lips open with his tongue, his hands enveloping me in his defined hug. I imagine myself mirroring his touch upon me, his heart beating with mine, beads of sweat falling down our naked bodies, meeting in the middle and merging as one.

It takes me a few moments before I realise that, while I was lost within my imagination, the music has stopped and I make my body stop moving. Hands are no longer trailing up my semi naked torso.

It takes me even longer to react to being pulled off the stage.

I prise my eyes open and am greeted by the face of a very angry Tom, with blood pouring down from his nose.

I am numb as I look into his face, watching as he bites the inside of his mouth.

Why do I feel like I am in a whole heap of trouble?

 

Kelly

Are men really this simple? Answer, Yes!

The plan was easy: get Tom to finally open up to love for this Austin guy. Well, open up to love in general, really. If he said the words to this guy, then he must have hidden feelings somewhere deep inside, meaning there is hope for him. Who knew men had so many layers?

When Austin told me what Tom had declared, I simply had to help him. Kelly Jones to the rescue. I knew that if I left it to this Austin, Tom would just become another gay guy trying desperately to hang on to his youth, and Austin would be living his dream…in Narnia!

Tom Park is the brother I never had, the one who crashed into my life and became more than just another one of my dancers. We don’t talk about it, though. I can see why he would fall for Austin. Fuck me, when I saw his filled thong, I wanted to fall to my knees and say ‘I love you’ too. I swear that boy is fucking blessed.

Such a waste!

Another one chasing sausage, ignoring all my fucking hotness. Sod it though. Last thing this girl wants is her own little sexless marriage. No thanks!

I watch as Austin has the men eating out of his hand and I swear he is fucking enjoying himself, loving the hungry attention.

As men came to the bar wanting to book a private dance, literally begging me and offering to pay more, I have to force myself not to sign them up, remembering that he is here for Tom and nobody else. Fuck. He could be my biggest earner, maybe even bigger than Tom!

Yes! I had plans going through my head to offer him a job, cash in on that walking vibrator he carried around with him.

I mean, maybe Tom would share?

Maybe… not!

It was a lovely thought. Money falling down on me like rain and pound signs appearing in my eyes. It was, until Tom decided to make his leap off his stage, punching men that are gathered around the star attraction of the night.

No! He definitely won’t be sharing any time soon.

Fucker!

I reach for my baseball bat under the bar and make my way over to the commotion, signalling for the music to be cut. I look at the words on my bat: ‘bite me’, before pulling it over my head and bringing it down on Tom’s; a simple whack to daze him and stop him beating up my customers.

Instinctively, Tom turns towards me, raising his fist in the air as he prepares to bring it down on whoever hit him. I simply fold my arms without breaking eye contact. Bring it, father fucker! He doesn’t. He knows better than to go at me. I pull the bat to rest on my shoulder as he lowers his arm.

Of course he does.

He reaches for Austin, pulling him off the stage. Silly fuck was still dancing, unaware of the commotion around him.

“My office! Now!” I say calmly, as I watch my brother lead a guy I know he will deny loving, from the bar. “Free drinks for all!” I declare, through gritted teeth. “Daniel, stage one!” I growl.

Daniel has his eyes locked on the direction Tom went with Austin, pouting over the man he has wanted ever since I caught Tom fucking him over my desk.

I click my fingers.

Stupid love-sick pup.

No!

Poor delusioned kid!

“Dan! I won’t tell you again!” He does as I say. He really needs to get the fuck over Tom Park!

I turn to head to my office, towards the idiotic pair that await me within.

The pair that have cost me fuck knows how many free drinks.

Fucking men!

Lesbian is looking so good to me right now! Then again, Austin’s cock fills my head and I find myself biting my lip as my hand slowly falls between my breasts, caressing myself gently as I get that hungry tingle between my thighs.

Bad Kelly.

 

Tom

Anger doesn’t fucking cut it!

My bloody nose is fucking killing me from a punch one of the bastards threw, not to mention how my head felt after Kelly decided to play security guard. Fucking stupid bitch. I dragged Austin by the hand as I made my way to the office, parting the wave of idiots around me.

We don’t speak and I am fucking fine with that!

Opening the door to her office, I lead us in before slamming it shut behind me, pushing Austin against the desk and releasing my hold of his hand finally.

I can’t speak, can’t form words in my throat. I want to punch him for…for letting them see him, touch him. What happened to the unsure guy that ran from me? What have I turned him into?

WHY?!

“Tom…” He says, taking the fucking stupid mask off.

I don’t look at him, can’t look at him. I don’t want to see his face, his beautiful, gentle eyes. Those brown, sparkling eyes that have watched as others touched him. I stare out the small window of the office, into the dark street. I can see a ghost like reflection of him in the mirror that causes me to pull my gaze away, even that is too much for me and I want to punch the glass in, shatter the sight of him.

I taste blood in my mouth from biting down too hard on my cheeks and from blood running from my nose. I am still fucking shaking with anger. I am beyond boiling point right now and don’t trust myself looking at him again. So I don’t. I keep my head turned away as I direct my words towards him.

“How… could… you?” The words make their way from me as Kelly marches into the room, interrupting any chance of a reply that I am not even sure I want.

Fucking woman!

“Well that was fucking perfect, thank you very fucking much! Jesus, Tom!!!” She yells, slamming the door, marching her way towards me and poking me in the chest.

What!

“ME?! Why didn’t you tell me he was the new fucking dancer?” The urge to punch her is trying to take over.

I wipe my arm across my mouth to catch the flowing blood, stepping back from her a little.

“I am the boss, not you!! I don’t need to tell you who I hire and fire! What you did out there was unacceptable!” She glares angrily. “Why would you even fucking care if I hired him anyway?”

Nosy cow!

What is this to her?

I don’t need to fucking explain myself!

“Because I… ! He is… !” Because I love him! He is mine!

I can stop the words forming, but the thoughts burn within me.

I want to punch something, drink something, and scream at her for allowing men to see him like that!

Like me!

Fuck!

I fight the urge to fall to my knees as the weight of emotions flow through me and rest on my shoulders. I squeeze my hands into fists, trying to gain control of myself.

Kelly folds her arms and shakes her head at me, pausing for a second before dismissing us.

“Get out, both of you! Take Austin home! Come back tomorrow for your shifts,” Kelly says, and I turn before seeing the look she exchanges with Austin, the moment they both share.

I leave for the changing room, leaving Austin to change in the office.

I still don’t allow myself to look at him.

Not yet!

 

Austin

I hold my breath, afraid he saw the look that Kelly threw me, that small smile and subtle nod. She thought it would go this way, that he would react and react he did!

Kelly said that after she helps me unleash the anger of seeing other men want me, then the rest was just up to me.

“You’re gonna need a lot of fucking patience with him,” she told me. “He won’t be planning your wedding anytime soon, but the spark will be enough to get him to want you.”

Kelly leaves me to dress, which I do quickly before the door is open again and Tom is standing before me. He doesn’t utter a word, only looks at me before turning and signalling for me to follow.

I am shaking a little as I allow myself to follow him, too afraid to interrupt the silence,  fearing a single word from my lips will be enough to shatter the planet I walk upon.

We walk across town and I savour the uncomfortable silence as I struggle to match his pace. Even in the lift that takes us to his floor, to the door of his abode, we never speak. The silence only shatters when we enter inside and I click the door closed behind me. Somehow, it seems to prompt him to talk.

“Drink?” He is facing away from me, his head looking to one side, but never looking back in my direction. His small attempt at breaking the uncomfortable silence.

I just stand looking at him, not knowing what to do, what to say.

“Well!” He snaps.

“A… anything is fine,” I say, unsurely.

Tom simply grunts as he walks over to his kitchen, leaving me to take in the room we are in as my apprehensive eyes look around me.

His flat has a studio layout that is filled with the most expensive looking furniture. One large black leather three seater sofa, wall mounted plasma TV, a book case with a few DVDs and nothing else, and a small glass coffee table, all placed to the left far wall of the room. The kitchen is along the right wall, with large glass windows between the two that lead onto the balcony. I notice that there are no family photos showing loving memories or holidays. It’s simply a show home. A single man’s lonely shell.

I turn my head to the left slightly and see his king sized bed with metal frame. I gulp at the sight of handcuffs clipped around the top bar, and force my mind to stay with me and not wander to impure thoughts.

Tom shoves a bottle of water in front of me and as I take it, our hands gently brush over each other, causing me to look up into his still hurt and angry eyes. He hesitates for a moment, lost as much in my eyes as I am his, before he pulls his head away sadly.

“Take it!” He grunts, before making for his sofa and sitting down. He looks up at me, before indicating next to him. “Sit!” Annoyance is living in his tone.

I follow his direction nervously as I sit next to him with a generous amount of space between us, holding the water firmly in place on my lap.

Looking out the corner of my eye, I can see the dried blood on his top lip and his chin and my heart pangs, knowing this was my fault.

“You… should clean that up,” I say softly, still not looking directly at him.

Silence.

I take an inhale of breath as I go to speak, but he beats me to it, leaving my breath hitched in my throat.

“Fine! I will take a shower!” He scolds, before making his way across the room to the door I assume leads to his bathroom.

I exhale finally.

Should I leave?

Maybe come back tomorrow?

“You’re gonna get that fucking glitter all over my sofa!” He says, reminding me of the glitter Kelly had caked me in. “Well?”

I look up, slightly bewildered.

“You fucking coming or not?” Tom walks into the bathroom, removing his clothes.

I find myself raising and following him without thinking, lost in my direction. As I enter the room, the water in the shower is pouring and filling the space with steam. He turns naked towards me, looking nervous and deflated.

“Don’t do that again!” His pink lips form the words that leave his mouth.

I don’t understand.

“Do… what?” I question without breaking eye contact. He asked me to follow him. Did I do something wrong again?

He walks towards me and starts to unbutton my shirt.

“Let other men see you like that. Just don’t… please.” I have to contain the tears within my eyes that want to fall at his hurt words.

I remove my shirt as he begins to help me out of my trousers.

“I… promise.”

He looks at me for several seconds before he leans in and kisses me.

Finally!

 

Tom

I am numb inside as I allow the water to wash over us, not moving as I rest my hands on his waist with my eyes focusing on the nape of his neck. Our cocks are resting against each other, and I fight back the urge to force him against the tiled wall and fuck him into oblivion.

I can’t look up into those eyes, the ones that keep drawing me in, leaving me defenseless. I move the loofah over his chest as I wash away the rest of the glitter from his perfect body. He steps a little closer into the warm sprinkles of water, moving his hand to my nose. His gentle touch still makes me gasp from the remaining pain.

“Sorry.” His words play against my heart like a harp, releasing copious feelings within me.

I finally look up into his magnetic eyes that pull me deeper into him.

“Why are you sorry?” I query.

His head hangs slightly.

“It’s my fault Kelly hit you,” he says dejectedly.

“Yes. Yes, it was.” My words bring his eyes back up to level with mine. His are flushed with sadness causing me to laugh, but not in bitterness. “What? It’s true, but I will forgive you,” I say, smiling down at him.

My heart beat pounds within me as I see his lips form a smile, and we both blush under the warm falling water.

I still don’t know what these new feelings are. They’re different to those I felt for my mother, but terrifying all the same. Instinct tells me to push him off, make him leave, but looking into those eyes only ground me and pull the words from my lips.

“I don’t understand…these feelings I have for you,” I say as my normal, confident self seems to be escaping me. My once perfect act seems to melt around him.

“You and me both.” His reassuring words tell me that maybe I am not all alone in this. “I don’t want anything from you other than simply you.”

I groan.

“I don’t do well with feelings,” I tell him, hanging my head slightly.

“Why?” His light words shock me, but for some reason I want to tell him. I want him to know something nobody else knows. Something nobody else ever asked.

I laugh nervously as I reach and turn off the shower.

“Get dry and meet me on the sofa. I have a story for you. Time to hear about one fucked up little boy.” I try to not sound like I am joking as I walk naked from the shower, grabbing a towel as I get ready to tell him about my past.

Here comes the crap.

I brace myself.

Finally someone will hear the story of how a little boy became this so called man.

Somehow, I can already see him leaving me.

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