Published 8th May, 2015
We both lay in bed, shrouded in darkness as we face away from one another, both pretending to be in a deep sleep. We are not, though. Both of us are faking and I can tell by the way he is breathing that he is nowhere near sleep, just like me. As if I can even think about sleep, not after the things that happened tonight that somehow shocked us both into silence. As our gazes collided in the toilet, our eyes just locked and, without words, we left the bar and made our way to his flat.
If I had been a moment faster in my approach of the bathroom, I am sure I would have seen what had happened, but the guilt in his eyes was enough to allow my head to fill in the gaps that I had missed.
He, the dancer, the one I thought I could make mine, had been fastening up his zipper before a disheveled Adam, who was sat on the floor of the cubicle, smiling at me and licking his boyish lips.
Am I so foolish to think that I can ever tame his angry libido? His need to fuck his way through the world, not caring who he hurts?
I really thought I’d had him. I Really thought we could actually make something of this possible relationship; I mean, he told me he loves me so why did he…
Maybe I am not enough for him!
Even now, as I replay his betrayal in my mind, I have no idea why I am here, why I still lay next to a man who so easily fell into the arms of another. I’d followed him like a silent pup, not questioning the lust in Adam’s eyes below his sweaty brow, not screaming at him for what he did.
I have somehow just become one of his many, the worshipers of Tom Parks, who so easily fall into his bed regardless of how he treats them.
Have I really become that person?
Am I becoming one of the brainless zombies that follow him around, undressing him with their eyes?
No longer are his arms around my body as we fake sleep, holding me as I go gently towards slumber. We’d both undressed, but didn’t talk or make eye contact as we got under the sheets and turned from one another without so much as a kiss goodnight.
Do I even want those lips on mine again? The ones that satisfied the skinny git in the bathroom when they should have been all over me!?
And you are so innocent? Don’t you remember just where you had your lips not long before? Just how short is your memory?
My mind is against me, somehow reminding me that I am not so innocent, that I also tarnished our love…but it was not my fault! Everything just got so out of hand!
“How could you, Austin?” His voice shatters the silence, causing my eyes to widen in the darkness.
He saw me?
I’d seen that look in his eyes, the one I will expect from anyone else other than him. That look of knowing that Tom Parks has fucked another guy. Mr Parks is led by his cock yet again. Says him! He whose lips had been locked to another. He who didn’t spare me a thought as he tasted someone else.
Has he finally become what I am trying so hard to avoid? Has he swallowed enough of my essence that what I was is trying to take over him? To push him into trying to take my crown as the King of Fuck Em All? This boy that is so different from me is now evolving into a blond version of the slut I was.
How could he?
How could he be so…cruel?
Yes, I was in the bathroom with Adam. I was almost wearing my jeans around my ankles as I shoved my cock down his throat…but it was all only almost! I stopped myself. I managed to gain a little control over the beast within me, he that was so hurt by what he saw that he wanted a little revenge. I wanted to hurt Austin, fuck Adam until he came, and then wipe his cum all over Austin’s face and show him two can play the fucking hurting game. Yet then, with the thought of covering Austin in Adam’s cream, as Adam tried to release me from the confines of my relationship, I just saw the image of the boy I so easily wanted to give my heart to, the boy I would so willingly hang my thong up for and get an…office job!
Me, in a fucking office, working a boring nine to five. Can you fucking imagine it? Yes, I would look sharp in a suit and tie, but fuck I would be bored. Yet, I was prepared to do it all…for him!
I’d pushed Adam from me and told him to get the fuck off. I knew Austin had only kissed someone, that we could get past that. But then, as I’d left the cubicle, I hadn’t been banking on seeing those deep brown eyes taking in the scene I was a part of.
I hear his failed attempts to pretend to be asleep and I fight the urge to elbow him in the back and give him a stab of pain for that kiss! But it isn’t just the kiss, not really. That is just the part I saw of this monstrosity I witnessed. Austin has been hiding something for a while now. He’s been keeping something from me! I can see his face pink when he gets a text, and how he tries to hide them from me, but I never pushed him. I assumed he would tell me in time what they were and who they were from. I guess I am just so stupid to think they are from his parents, so stupid to think of him that innocently.
I should have become one of those stupid people that check their partners phone when they weren’t looking. I should never have trusted him so easily. I know that now. I just wish I’d had a headsup of his betrayal before I’d had to witness it amongst a crowded room.
This will just have to be a lesson learned!
“How could you, Austin?” His body tenses as my question leaves my lips.
How could he do this to me?
Why do you care? Just leave him and call that Adam boy back! Fuck em and chuck em, it’s the easiest way!
My head is right, I know that, but how can I go back when my heart is already his, however much he shat on it?
Two hours earlier.
My eyes widen as his lips unexpectedly collide with mine. His hand is on the back of my head, holding me in place as his tongue tries to break its way through my lips.
What the fuck is he trying to do?
I grab his chest as I try in vain to force him from me, but he just grabs my hair tightly, trying to force me closer as his hand goes to my cock. I have to get him off me, stop him from kissing me and touching me in a place I only want Tom to touch, before my Tom catches us in the act. I just wish he wasn’t so strong! Try as I might, I can’t seem to wriggle free from his arms and his grasp on my crotch. I won’t part my lips. I won’t allow him entry to the place I reserve for the man I love.
How the hell does he even think I want this? I gave him no indication that I wanted anything from him, and I don’t. All I want right now is to be able to force him from me!
I pound my arms on his chest in hopes that he will release me, but he doesn’t stop. He just pulls tighter on my hair in a hope to part my lips with pain. Before I think about raising my knee to his crotch, I hear a familiar voice…luckily not Tom’s.
“Daniel! What the fuck are you doing?!” Kelly shouts, somehow dragging him from me as if he is as light as a feather.
Really? She manages what I can’t?
Somehow, a small act on her part is now eating at what is left of my masculinity.
I gasp for air as Kelly turns on Daniel, shouting at him further.
“Fuck! One minute you’re in love with Tom, the next you are trying to seduce his boyfriend! Are you fucking crazy?” She snaps, fingering his chest.
“He kissed me!” Daniel tells her, looking over at me. “He told me he wanted it.”
“I…I never did!” I stammer.
“He didn’t look like he wanted it to me! Get the fuck away before Tom sees you. I don’t want any fighting tonight!” She turns her attention to me, but Daniel doesn’t move. “Where is he, Austin?”
“B…bathroom,” I say, still trying to regain lost oxygen.
“And we all know what Tom Parks likes to do in bathrooms,” Daniel grins, biting his lip. “He has been a while, too. Naughty Tom.”
I sense malice in his voice, but I refuse to allow myself to rise to him.
“Shut up, Dan!” Kelly snaps, but as she bites her lip, I can see she is thinking the same as he.
I won’t believe it!
Tom loves me!
Why does everyone think so little of him?
They don’t know the real him. They don’t see how much he loves me, or how much I love him.
“Austin…how about a drink?” Kelly suggests, taking my arm and trying to lead me towards the bar.
I shake my head. “No, I am going to find Tom.”
As I make my way over to the bathroom, even over the noise of the thumping music, I can make out Kelly’s moans of Oh shit!
So they all expect him to be there with some random guy, to be slipping into his old ways. Do they all really think he can’t change like he is trying so hard to do? Can they not see what I see in the guy who has shown me so much of himself?
He isn’t like that. Not now, not after everything we have gone through together.
I push open the door to the bathroom, entering to the muffled sounds coming from an occupied toilet.
Since I met him, I have been losing that side of myself, the one that wants to use men for my own gain and for my own pleasure. Yes, that side of me is still lying dormant deep inside, still wanting to come out and play, but it is settling down. I am gaining control.
That was then, just a few moments ago, less than ten seconds past before I saw his…his lips lock with another man! The gentle guy I thought was the one to settle my wandering erection was allowing those once precious lips of his to glide other someone elses.
Is he just using me for training to become like me?
Why, Austin? Why did you do this?
I have Adam in the bathroom with me, ready to give all of his holes so willingly to my hungry cock, yet I say no. I walk to the man I want, pushing away the desire within me for this vacant arse that wants me within it.
Then I see my love’s lips locking with Daniel’s.
What I see is enough for me to start turning back, to tell myself that two can fucking play at that game!
The cubicle door is hardly even closed before Adam has his hands down my unzipped jeans, grabbing my cock and smirking at me, his eyes glazed over in desire as he pulls my hands to his crotch to feel his firming erection within the confines of his pants.
“Glad you’re seeing sense,” he says, moving forward to kiss my neck.
I stare at the pale blue wall of the cubicle, my hand motionless over his cock as I just stare straight ahead, while Adam struggles to pull my cock free of my pants. This doesn’t feel like it once did, like the many times I brought men in here to have my way with them. There is no passion for me now, no lust. It’s a fact very evident with my cock.
I can feel Adam working my cock, his lips moving up my neck, but there is no firming erection for me. Nothing is happening below like it should. I do nothing but look ahead of me, tears forming in my eyes, as I imagine Austin with Daniel. I have watched men with men before, being aroused by a simple touch of fingers or brush of lips, yet what I just witnessed was nothing more than devastating.
So why shouldn’t I have Adam? Why shouldn’t I allow him to make me cum? To fuck him right here and now like he wants me to? What is stopping me from giving him what he really wants?
I keep facing forward as Adam disappears below, and I try to allow his moist tongue moving over my cock to entice me, but again nothing is happening. As he works my muscle with his lips, tongue, and hand, I remain forever soft, focused on the pale blue wall. I feel my cock going down his throat and yet it does nothing to me. It sends nothing through my body other than harsh chills of rejection.
I feel rejected.
I have never really felt like that, especially not from a guy!
Everything I allowed Austin to see is now fading away back within me. All the love I showed him, the side nobody sees, is now going back to that small, secret place I keep everything locked deep within.
“Are you okay, Tom?” I wasn’t even aware he had abandoned his attempts to arouse me.
I pause for a moment, to try to enjoy the fact that I can use the moment to hurt Austin the way I am hurting now, but nothing comes; only the face of the one I want.
“Get the fuck off me!” I say, shoving him to the floor and pulling the door open so I can step back into the once empty bathroom.
Nothing about this familiar room is empty now as I stand and stare before the man I love.
My vision moves from Tom to Adam, and back to Tom again.
Everything about the scene before me can be considered innocent, had it not been for the fact that Tom is still putting his penis away while Adam still sits on the cubicle floor, licking his lips and laughing at me.
“Oh, Tom…isn’t this your boyfriend? And here was me thinking you were free and single,” Adam grins from the floor as he over dramatises his words.
I can tell by the way he is talking that he knows very well I am his boyfriend. That is, of course, if I am still his boyfriend. Yes, he tells me he loves me yet has never officially asked me out, and now here he is, leaving the cubicle with his latest conquest still panting happily on the floor.
Did he just do what my mind is playing out in my head?
No, Tom! Please no!
“Shut up!” Tom snaps at Adam, his eyes looking to the floor for a moment before returning to meet my hurt gaze.
His eyes glare at me, with betrayal evident within them, before he walks past me and out of the toilet without saying a word. As I turn to follow his lead, I catch the wink from Adam as he gets up off the floor laughing proudly to himself, licking those lips of his. I can feel my face burning in shame and fury as I make my own exit, speeding up to follow Tom out of the club, as we make our silent and uncomfortable journey home.
I turn towards Tom, shocked that he can so easily accuse me, yet somehow manages to remain innocent.
Yes, I had kissed Daniel, but not willingly. I had not gone into the bathroom and lost my cock down someone else’s throat! If he had told me he saw what he thought he saw, then I could have explained the kiss, told him I tried to push him off, yet he left it until now and then decided to just assume!
Things may work differently in the gay world, but as far as I am aware, he is still the one that cheated, so he is still in the wrong! I would never have done anything with anyone else! I fought Daniel off, pushed him away, and went looking for Tom! I should be the one accusing him, not the other way round!
“You saw?” The words leave my lips, somehow causing him to leap from the bed and switch on the light.
“Yes I fucking saw you…with Daniel of all people!” He snaps, his voice scaring me slightly.
“And what did you see exactly?” Did he even bother to wait and see my reaction to the kiss before he entered into the cubicle? Could he not have given me a few more seconds before he allowed Adam to suck his cock?
He picks up the clock on his bedside table and throws it against the floor angrily, shattering its base into pieces. I jump out of bed on my side, watching as the rage builds within him, showing me a side I would rather not see. I back away slowly towards the kitchen in a bid to put as much space between us as I can in his flat, yet he starts to advance towards me.
“I saw you fucking kiss him. I saw how you so easily tasted his lips!” He comes up so close to me that I back away into the work surface, resulting in him advancing further forward, locking his arms at either side of me, spraying me with his words. “Is that what you are now? Some slut? Have you had all your training from the great and powerful cock that you want to take your lessons learned out on your merry way?”
The mix of his words and the anger in his eyes is causing my body to shake as tears fall from me.
Pull yourself together! You’re the innocent party!
“He…kissed me!” I find the words I need to say, keeping a certain amount of control over them as I turn the attack around. “And least it was his lips that I was kissing! Did his cock taste good enough, Tom? Has mine lost its flavour for you?!”
My breath is coming out in raging gasps as I watch him shake with fury, and I keep my eyes on his hands, making sure they don’t want to join in his attack. His anger falters for a moment before he manages to regain control.
“It. Tasted. Fucking. Amazing!” He growls. “At least with Adam I know what I am getting, not the games and lies you seem to want to play.”
My lip is nervously trembling as I watch him, his words breaking me down to almost nothing. I gasp as I see his arm move and feel his hand painfully grabbing my filled boxers, causing me to let out a whimper.
“Is this what you want to give him? Did you let him touch you here?” His hand tightens, causing me to call out in pain, but my words somehow fall upon deaf ears. “Do you send him pictures of your cock when you text him? I bet you both text backwards and forwards laughing about how you have got the Tom Parks to fall for you. Is that it, little Austin?”
I watch as his own tears fall, but as he tightens his grip further, I try to pull him from me without success.
“You…re hurting…me! T…oomm…please!” With his other hand, he pushes me to the floor and I reach out just in time to soften my fall, but the sobs still escape me.
“Get out!” He snarls, throwing my clothes at me. “And here! Take this with you so you can send your fucking texts!” The mobile lands on the heap of clothing at the side of me, but it’s enough to get my own blood boiling.
He may be a giant in stature compared to me, but fuck him now! I get to my feet and collect my clothes, throwing the mobile in direct line of his head, but unfortunately he catches it and it doesn’t get the blow I intended to inflict.
“Read the texts for yourself! Number unknown! Have fun, and call your little friend because we…we…are OVER!” I scream the last word before running, almost naked, into the night.
Well fuck me sideways. I have FINALLY found me a straight man through the horde of gay men that seem to invade my social life. It is so about fucking time. I swear my virginity has grown over in the months it has gone without a nice pounding!
My father’s party is going perfectly as planned, even better that he isn’t here doing that crazy fucked up dad dance, and I have myself a nice, tall blond for me to unwrap. Okay, so there was that little incident of Daniel leeching on Austin, but thankfully I sorted him out. Seriously though, that boy needs to learn to keep it in his pants! One minute he loves Tom, then he is practically raping Austin with his lips when Tom’s back is turned!!!
I managed to pull Austin free, get Dan to back the fuck off, and watched as he left with Tom. They both did look rather pissed off, but there is no way I am getting myself into that gay soap opera shit. No thanks. Not tonight!
I take the blond by the hand and lead him towards my office, feeling my nipples harden as he undresses me with his eyes. As I look back into the club, I laugh as I watch Samara grinding with a group of men while she texts off her mobile, then I look around and find Daniel laughing to himself as he also sends a text.
Seriously, can people not leave those things at home?
As I go to close the office door behind me I spot Dan’s friend, Adam, leaving the loo, groping his package like the stud he thinks he is. Seriously, that guy needs to man the fuck up. He is wearing more makeup than Rosalie, for fuck sake!
When I finally close the door, the blond leads me over to the desk and forces me to lay over it, his chest falling on top of me as he kisses my neck and glides his hand up my thigh, under my dress, and into my knickers.
I reach out to stop him in his tracks. “I am so not that kind of girl! At least tell me your name first so I don’t have to tell the girls I fucked a guy called Blond!” I say, pushing him off me so I can stand and adjust myself.
He grins at me as he starts to remove his skinny jeans and release one of the thickest cocks I have seen. Oh, I can so easily become the girl who fucked Mr. No Name!
“Carlisle,” he says, starting to work his dick with his hand.
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing at what he just said. “R…really…y…your parents…c…called you…t…that.” I manage to say through my fit of hysterics.
Seriously, what a fucked up sort of name is that?
He doesn’t look hurt or shocked as I lose myself to laughter. He simply walks towards me as he removes his tight white tee to reveal his ripped body.
Well, fuck me!
The image is enough to silence me as he pulls my dress over my head before attempting to take off my bra.
“Ah. Ah. Ahh! To fuck Kelly Jones, you have to first do as Miss Jones says!” I say, as I walk to my desk drawer before looking back to see his cock already oozing pre cum.
Men are so easy to satisfy. Normally just thrust, thrust, squirt!
“Anything. What do you want me to do?” He walks towards me, not seeing the glint in my eye as I decide on what I do exactly want him to do.
I take an item from my drawer and start to fasten it around my waist, watching as his confused expression finally catches up to what I have around me.
I love the fear in the eyes of a man before I have them my way!
“W…what the fuck is that?” His voice is barely audible, but the point towards my waist is enough.
I walk towards him, turning his body away from mine as I push him slightly over the desk.
“This, my darling, is called Masen, and Masen here is a strap on, one I plan to fuck you with! Your reward will be: you get to fuck me!!” I giggle at his gasps as I take a small bottle of lube from the attachment at the waist, and start to coat his hole.
“Wait…erm… I am not sure if…” He starts, as I prepare to make my entrance into him.
I hesitate there for a moment, making little circular motions as I listen to his rasping breaths.
“You do want to fuck me, don’t you, Carlisle?” I ask, trying not to laugh at his stupid name.
I feel him move further forward over the desk, his hands grabbing onto the sides as he awaits for me to break him in.
“Don’t worry, Masen is only four inches. You don’t need to worry until I get Robert out.” I lick my lips at the thought of forcing my eleven inch strap on into him.
I start to ease Masen in, delighting in his small scream that he tries to stifle with a manly growl, making little pulses within him. Already I can feel his body relaxing as Masen meets with his prostate, and I start to lose myself in the motions, making my assault harder so I can feel the backlash against my throbbing pussy.
This is how I like it, the shame before the delight, before I allow them to have what they really want…me!
I lean my body backwards as I force my way into him, slowly releasing Masen before thrusting him back in to the sounds of his aroused moans. I lean my hand in front of him and take his already wet cock in my hand as I work it to the rhythm of my attack.
“Oh yes…fuck me!” He demands, as if he wouldn’t have. Not one of the men I have done this to has refused for long. Not one has told me to stop.
As I feel his cum shoot from him to the screams that leave his voice, I take my hands above my head and carry on my motion, feeling the tingle between my thighs.
I need him…now!
While I am in the middle of my final few pulses, the crash of the door opening shocks my eyes towards the door, to fall upon Samara.
She screams slightly at the sight before her before suddenly finding the ceiling very interesting.
“Erm…sorry, Kelly, but there is a nice, big hole in one of your…well…walls….outside!” I stop moving behind the panting blond as I take in what she said, listening to the lack of music out in the club.
“What do you mean a fucking hole?” I demand.
She looks uneasy as Jack comes up behind her, almost passing out when he takes in the image of me bending Carlisle over my desk.
His gaze goes with Samara’s.
“Kelly, some guys managed to fall…through the wall to the…private rooms!”
I pull out from Carlisle and march out into the bar, forgetting about the current outfit I have on.
The people around me stare at my lack of clothing and fancy belt, but nobody laughs. They wouldn’t fucking dare.
Then I see the wall and the massive hole now making the bar and the rooms one big fucking space.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!!” I scream, watching the faces cower from me as I go and inspect the wall.
Under my touch, I can feel the wetness of water. A burst pipe? Shit!
Well this is going to take some fucking fixing!
“Party over. Get the fuck out.” I look around at the faces staring at me. “What, are you deaf or just stupid? GET OUT!” I snap at the crowd that is now parting.
I walk into the office and see the blond still standing there naked, waiting for me. Yes, you are so not getting laid now, Kelly.
Fuck. My. Life.
“Get your shit on and get out. Party is over, I am afraid,” I tell him as I take Masen off me finally and throw him to the floor in frustration.
“I was looking forward to that,” he tells me.
You and me fucking both.
Looks like my legs are going to be just like the club for the next few weeks…closed!
My heart is pounding within me, crashing the blood through my veins as my whole body shakes in rage. Then I hear the door slam behind me and I let out an angry scream into my now empty flat.
Like a hurricane, I rage through my home, smashing everything he touched, pulling the sheets from the bed and angrily ripping them apart before pulling the mattress free from the base and throwing it across the room.
I want him gone. He who didn’t deny the cheating or the evident sex texting from the gift I bought him. I want all trace of him from my life. Fuck this love shit. It has caused me nothing but pain from something I am told is supposed to be amazing, perfect, and absolute.
People who fall in love need to grow the fuck up and move the hell on to the next piece of arse! I never asked for love and never wanted it in my life! I was happy just fucking my way through life! Then he showed the fuck up and ruined everything!
When my house is in complete disarray and the banging from my neighbours ceases, I fall to the floor near my bed and stare at nothing in particular, still with anger raging through me.
I did nothing but push Adam from me. I managed to regain my control only to have to live with the mental image of seeing Austin with Daniel. Why Dan? Anyone but him. Is Austin just taking all my teachings with him to play with my toys? I worked on these men. I got them to a point that they hungered with their infatuation of me. I got them to a point where I ran through their every thought and there is no way he is stealing them!
I so clearly see his tricks now. I see how he played the part of the innocent little university boy, only to want to become what I am, or was, to try and take my god hood from me!
No fucking way!
I won’t allow his manipulation to win out. No way!
I get to my feet, looking around for my mobile, knowing I need to get all eyes back on me and all desire headed my way; round two of a Daniel and Adam sandwich before Austin gets his mitts on them. I just wish my flat wasn’t so trashed. All traces of my mobile are gone. Shit!
It is then I hear the buzz of an incoming message and I get on my knees to search my flat Indiana Jones style, through the labyrinth of mess towards the object I need so badly. As I pull back layers of my discarded items, my eyes finally fall to the mobile. Not mine…but his.
I look at the small screen bitterly, now with a nice crack down the centre, but still I can read that there is three unread texts from an unknown number.
“Read the texts yourself! Number unknown…” Austin’s last few words before he ran from the flat invade my memory.
More like text from Daniel Uley! I slide my finger over the screen so that I can finally see what these two have been sending one another. Finally, I can get the proof my heart needs to see to finally rid Austin from it.
You look like shit tonight, ugly fucker.
Naughty, naughty. Kissing another man!!! Tut, tut, tut, ugly fucker. What would Tom say?
What the fuck?
Looks like you won’t need much encouragement to leave him now, ugly fucker!
Are these texts for real?
I trawl through the received messages, finally witnessing all the texts that Austin has been receiving and hiding from me. This is not what I thought. It’s not the sort of texts I assumed he was getting!
He wasn’t cheating!
I notice then that there is still another text to be read, the last one that came through. It is still downloading so it wasn’t there before.
Run, run, little ugly fucker.
It isn’t just the words that has me on my feet, throwing random jeans over my lower body and some trainers on my feet. It is the fact that there is also a picture of a crying Austin running from my flat!
Someone saw him leaving!
Someone is following him!
Austin, I am coming! Hold on!